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Abridgimon Episode 1 Transcript

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Episode 1 Transcript (October 2010 by Abridgimon)Edit

Tai (narrating): This is home, planet Earth. But I'm not entirely sure that's where I am right now. And this is Africa. But I'm not entirely sure that's where I am right now. And this is Chicargo. I'm pretty sure that's not where I am right now. And this is Israel. I'm really glad that's not where I am right now. And this is Alderaan. Yup! Real glad I'm not there. And this is camp! And I think this might be where I am right now. Oh wait! Yep, there I am. My name's Tai. I'm the leader of the Digi-Destined. Aaand that's Matt that's Sora that's Mimi that's T.K. that's Izzy that's Joe. And then, a blizzard happened!

Monitor: Don't eat the yellow snow! It'll kill you!

Kid #1: But what about the blizzard?

Monitor: Yellow snoooowww!

Tai (narrating): Everyone was freakin' out! But being the leader of the Digi-Destined, I knew exactly how to handle the situation.

Tai: What the hell just happened???

(intro)

Mimi: Hey, what happened to all the adults?

Tai: Apparently, they all just left us here to fend for ourselves!

Mimi: What does 'fend' mean?

Tai: Okay, if things get really bad we eat Mimi first. And then Joe. Hey Izzy come out here! We could really use your computer smarts!

Izzy: Just a minute! I'm busy fighting a Lich King over here!

Tai: Izzy, this is really important-

Izzy: Yeah, yeah. (grabs phone) Hey Jeff? How come you're not online?

Jeff: Dude, the whole world's in chaos, my whole family just died in a flood'!

Izzy: So, you're not gonna make the raid...

Jeff: I'm literally over my neck in water right now! 

Izzy: Whatever! I can't deal with your real life problems. (puts phone down while Jeff screams) Jerk!

T.K.: Wow! What is that up in the sky?

Sora: It's so intense!

Tai: Matt, are you getting this?

Matt: I can't even capture it on my camera!

Tai: (screams)

Matt and Joe: (scream)

Mimi and T.K.: (scream)

Izzy: ...

Tai: (screams more)

T.K.: Are we dead?

Matt: I don't know. Are you in pain?

T.K.: Yes. A considerable amount, actually.

Matt: Then, no. No, we're... we're not dead.

T.K.: Awesome.

Tai: Oh my god it's so beautiful!

Mimi: They look like angels!

Joe: Digital angels!

Izzy: Whatever they are, they're perfect! Completely untouched by human hands! (Tai grabs one) Nevermind.

Sora: Look! They turned into tamagochis! 

Joe: Oh, mine just pooped.

Tai (narrating): And then, a huge wave washed us all up into another dimension! But being the leader of the Digi-Destined, I knew exactly how to handle the situation.

(everyone falls into the wave screaming)

Koromon: Tai... Taaaaiii... Wake the f*ck up bitch!

Tai: (screams) Please don't lay eggs in my stomach!

Koromon: Don't worry Tai, I'm not here to hurt you! I'm here to bond with you!

Tai: That's exactly what I was afraid of!

Koromon: This is gonna be so great, Tai! We're gonna go on an adventure! You and me, Tai and Koromon!

Tai: What the hell's a Koromon?

Koromon: I'm Koromon! And I have a statscreen! Just look at those ratings! Do you have a statscreen, Tai?

Tai: Uhh, no, I don't have-

Koromon: No! That's right! You don't! So shut up!

Tai: You kinda look like a talking anus...

Koromon: A talking anus with a STATSCREEN!

Izzy: Tai, is that you?

Tai: Izzy! It's not what it looks like!

Koromon: I have a statscreen!

Tai: Yeah, he has a statscreen.

Izzy: That's exactly what this guy's been tellin' me!

Motimon: I was just walkin' in and I thought I'd say hi.

Tai: (screams and drops Koromon) Another one? What the hell are these things?

Motimon: My name is Motimon, but you can call me Moti. I am your digital servant, I do anything for you, anything. Mmm.

Izzy: I'm getting a really weird vibe off this guy.

Tai: Yeah. You and me, both!

Motimon: Mmmm...

Tai: So, where are we exactly?

Koromon: We're in the Digital World!

Tai: Where is that?

Koromon: We don't know! Yay!

Tai: Well then, I'll just have to find out by myself! 

Motimon: You're not using your hips, boy, use your hips, boy! 

Tai: Koromon, can you tell Motimon to shut up? 

Koromon: Should I show him my statscreen? 

Tai: Yeah, do that. 

Motimon: Show me whatever you want, boy. Mmm. 

Tai: Oh, this is weird. I don't remember the camp being so close to the ocean! And I don't remember that mountain range being over there. 

Koromon: Tai Tai Tai Tai Tai Tai Tai!!! 

Tai: What??? 

Koromon: Mmmmm statscreeeeeeeen! 

Tai: I got it! Huh? Where is that coming from? Ah, I can't see because that giant beetle's in the way! And he's getting closer, Jesus! Oh, what do you think you're doing- Oh... oh... OH! 

Tai and Koromon: Backflip! 

Motimon: Oh no, that thing's so big and red and hairy and scary it gon' kill us all!  

Koromon: That's Kuwagamon! 

Tai: And what's his special ability? 

Koromon: Killing us until we're dead. 

Tai: It's official, camp suuuuuccckkkss!!! 

Koromon: Kootie Breath Pitooie (spits bubbles) 

Kuwagamon: Argh Unclean.

Izzy: Dude, while you were gone, that other pink guy made me a scarf! 

Motimon: I thought you look sassy! 

Koromon: Catch me! (repeatedly) Gah! Go to hell. 

Tai: Little guy! Are you okay? Why the heck did you try blowing bubbles at that monster? 

Koromon: It... usually works... 

Tai: Well, why didn't it this time? 

Koromon: Because somebody didn't freakin' catch me! 

Izzy: Tai! He's coming back for another shot at us! 

Motimon: Quick, everybody, over here! I know a couple of places... 

Tai: Do you even know where you're taking us? 

Motimon: You just pop in right after me! (Motimon, Koromon, Tai and Izzy enter the tree)

Tai: What is this place? 

Motimon: I call it Chez Motimon. 

(they all bow down quietly so the beetle doesn't know where they are)

Motimon: I think we're alone now. 

Sora: Hey guys, what's the hibitty-haps? 

Tai: Sora? How did you know we were here? 

Sora: The internet. Guys, would you take a look at my flower? 

Tai and Izzy: Yes. 

Yokomon/Pyocomon: Hello. I am Yokomon. Very nice to meet you- 

Tai: Yeah, yeah, that's great, get out of the way, I wanna see the flower. 

Motimon: Hey guys, your party just gained a new member. 

Tai: What are you talking abou- oh God, it's another one. 

Tokomon: I am Tokomon! 

Tai: And what's your ability? 

Tokomon: To be Tokomon! 

Tai: Okay. Anything else? 

Tokomon: No! 

Tai: I feel sorry for the poor sap that got settled with you. 

T.K.: Hey Tokomon wait for me! 

Tai: Pfffft (laughs) That's too funny. 

Matt: Hey guys, check out this kickass basketball 

Tai: Huh, Matt, I don't think that's a bas- 

Matt: You wanna play? 

Tsunomon: Yes, play with me, if you dare. (laughs) But no, seriously, it'll be fun. Play with me. I'm bouncy. 

Motimon: I play with you! 

Joe: (screams) Somebody help! This thing won't leave me alone! It's so annoying and intrusive! 

Tai: Oh, come on, it can't be that bad. 

Bukamon: I love you! Me-sa called Bukamon! Me-sa your humble servant! Zis demanded by the gods, it is! 

Joe: I have a bad feeling about this... 

Bukamon: I speck! 

Joe: What on Earth are these life forms? 

Bukamon: We-sa be called... 

All Digimon: Digimon! Digital monsters! 

Motimon: Hooray! 

Mimi: (screams)

Motimon: Oh no someone in trouble oh no! 

Mimi: Help! I'm being chased by something that isn't pink! 

Tai: Doesn't this thing know how to quit? 

Tanemon: Hey wait guys! I am Tanemon, and I have lots of useful skills- 

Tai: Now is not the f*cking time! Wow! Talk about a cliff hanger! 

Motimon: Oh, na- nah that was just nasty, why would you even say that? I bet you feel bad, do you feel bad? I hope you feel bad, 'cause- 'cause that was bad. 

Koromon: Digimon! Roll out and transform! 

Tai: Koromon, no, don't be a hero! 

Koromon: Koromon, digivolve to... Agumon

Pyocomon: Pyocomon, digivolve to... Piyomon

Motimon: Motimon, digivolve to... Tentomon

Tsunomon: Tsunomon, digivolve to... Gabumon

Tokomon: Tokomon, digivolve to... Patamon!

Bukamon: Bukamon, digivolve to... Gomamon

Tanemon: Tanemon, digivolve to... Palmon

Tai: Well, that only took like FIVE HOURS! You do realise we could all be dead right now! 

Agumon: Tai, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna eat your parents! Everyone, kill it with fire! (beetle starts burning) I can't believe that worked! I was totally winging it! 

Tai: (laughs) Agumon, you did it, you saved us all! 

(beetle comes back to life)

Tai: Agumon, you screwed up, you killed us all! 

Agumon: At least I have a statscreen!!! 

Tai (narrating): We were about to plunch to water on flighty death, but being the leader of the Digi-Destined, I knew exactly how to handle the situation... poop myself!

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