|Final Fantasy VII: Abridged|
07/21/2012 - 08/25/2014
19 (20 including V-Day Special)
My name is Cloud
I have a sword
I fight Cactuars
Because I'm bored
Final Fantasy VII: Abridged is a fan-made parody series created by cloudstrife8 (Kiel Nelson), GuitArchon (Alex Melius), CelticButterfly, and LionheartedRebel on July 21st, 2012. Not to be confused with the Final Fantasy VII: The Abridged Series by SonsOfSatire (now Kyol Dubskie), OR the TeamFourStar parody Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged that came out a year after FFVII: Abridged finished. The series was originally conceived when the founders were brainstorming games to commentate for a completely unrelated Let's Play project. While they did not meet their self-appointed goal to finish Final Fantasy VII: Abridged by the end of 2013, the creators did manage to put out 15 episodes (16 with the Valentine's Day special) that encompassed the majority of the game. The main storyline from the game was concluded with episode 19 in August, 2014.
In November 2013, the team (now named Renegamers) announced that if the channel reached 3000 subscribers by October 2014, they would follow up the main Final Fantasy VII series by abridging Advent Children, the 2005 movie sequel to FFVII. This goal has been met as of the final episode of the abridged series, and plans are underway for the abridged movie.
The series has enjoyed moderate success on YouTube, with fans stating that the colorful personalities that cloudstrife8 and the others assign the main cast and side-characters being the strongest aspects of the videos.
- Cloud Strife (Voiced by cloudstrife8): While Cloud's apathetic nature from the beginning of the game remains very much intact, he has an undeniable mean streak to him in the abridged series. He seems to only begrudgingly allow his party members to tag along and makes constant sarcastic quips at their expense, his favorite targets being Barret & Vincent. Additionally, he seems to only find women attractive on paper. Literally. He thinks pictures of Tifa are tantalizing, but always dismisses her advances because "...no one is good enough [for him]." His inventory never has any fucks for him to give.
- Barret Wallace (Voiced by GuitArchon): Of the primary playable characters, Barret's personality is definitely the closest to his original in-game portrayal. One decided difference, however, is his ongoing clash with Cloud, who goes out of his way to ridicule the AVALANCHE leader at every opportunity, especially his aim. Another curious deviation is Barret's declared contempt towards flashbacks for unknown reasons, though this has only come up in passing. Cloud especially enjoys referring to him by names of other famous angry black men, like Nick Fury, Shaft, Dolemite, and Luke Cage to name a few.
- Tifa Lockhart (Voiced by CelticButterfly): Tifa is quite a bit more upfront about her true feelings for Cloud in cloudstrife8's abridged series to an absurd degree, bordering on stalker-esque affection. She's accidentally hinted at deliberately sabotaging his previous relationships, drugged him in order to take off his clothes, and sees any other woman that Cloud has even a neutral relation to as a threat. This obsession causes her to try and take fellow party member Aerith out of the picture to often diabolical extents. Despite all this, she still remains the key reason for the group staying together through all the drama.
- Aerith Gainsborough (Voiced by LionheartedRebel): While still an innocent and kind flowergirl from the slums of Sector 7, Aerith has had several angry outbursts brought on by rude behavior. In one instance, she stated that she ought to "...skin you and your whole family alive and feed your organs to a Tonberry!" Despite this, she still has a good nature. So much so that she often times seems oblivious to Tifa's aggressive attempts to "off the competition." Whether she's simply that forgetful or just doesn't notice is subject to debate. She has since then met her inevitable and untimely demise at the hands of Sephiroth.
- Red XIII / Nanaki (Voiced by LionheartedRebel): One of the most interesting examples of taking creative liberties, not only is Red XIII now a sarcastic, jaded, and cynical beast companion: it's also female. The former Shinra test subject is frequently annoyed by the eccentricities of her teammates, and so, takes it upon herself to steer the conversation back towards the important topics. She also seems to have no love for her hometown, due in no small part to her pot-smoking former caretaker Bugenhagen. His carelessness and inappropriately-timed jokes may explain her cynicism.
- Yuffie Kisaragi (Voiced by ChuangTzuAndStuff, formerly ChuangTzux2): Yuffie shares much in common with her canonical self, being a loud, energetic and young Wutai ninja obsessed with Materia. However, she definitely sets herself apart with her curious habit of speaking in Tommy Wiseau's accent using quotes from his movie The Room (or variations of based on the context of the episode). Her fellow group members have questioned this strange disposition, which she always dismisses with a comment about the others never having been to Wutai or met anyone else from there. Since visiting her village, the team has gained a greater understanding of Yuffie's peculiar manuerisms.
- Cait Sith (Voiced by Charles Martinet?!): A bizarre character already, Cait Sith is made all the stranger by the fact that his speech is comprised of nothing but boisertous laughs, yells, and cries of disappointment. Tifa took an immediate dislike towards Cait Sith, stating that its "...character design is stupid" and that its motives for joining the group are suspicious to say the least. Her frustration is made all the worse by the fact that she seems to be the only one that can't make sense of its speech, with everyone else fully understanding its loud sound effects.
- Reeve Tuesti (Voiced by VulgarVagabond): As it turns out, Cait Sith is, in truth, a robotic doll under the control of Reeve Tuesti, a Shinra employee tasked with spying on Cloud and his friends. However, Reeve's none too happy with his current employer. Once he realized that Rufus and his company were running the planet into the ground, he reluctantly shifted his support towards Cloud's group. This would normally be great news for our intrepid heroes, but Reeve's nonstop sarcastic insults made at all of their own expenses mostly leave them feeling disenchanted. Especially Tifa, Reeve's favorite target.
- Vincent Valentine (Voiced by VulgarVagabond): While brooding, mysterious, and regretful in the official game, cloudstrife8 has turned Vincent into a cheery, optimistic, and pleasent fellow who appears to talk like it's still the 1940's. His backstory has also been altered so that he voluntarily underwent the experiments that enhanced and altered his body. This was apparently done under the supervision of one Professor Hojo, who told Vincent to get plenty of rest until he calls him. As a result, Vincent spent over 10 years waiting on the good doctor's call, only exiting the Shinra mansion's basement to assist the party in their quest to stop Sephiroth. Cloud also doesn't seem to like him very much, though this is a common occurance anyway.
- Cid Highwind (Voiced by CrkdBluShds): Still a gruff engineer from Rocket Town who swears like a sailor, Cid doesn't have the clearest memory in Final Fantasy VII: Abridged. When recalling his past, he has a habit of launching into the memories of the Cids from previous Final Fantasy installments, and then immediately forgets ever doing so afterwards. It would seem that he remembers the lives of both earlier Cids, as well as the Cids from future games (Then again, he could just as easily just be a Time Lord). Either way, he seems to have nothing but contempt for flight, stating outright that any engineering project he undertakes ends up being an extravagent flying machine (his plane, the Tiny Bronco, was intended to be a lawnmower). Unlike in the official game, Cid also treats his partner Shera like a gentleman.
- The Turks: Many of the fans of Final Fantasy VII: Abridged proclaim that the Turks are their favorite part of the series. Each member of the organization seems to possess a personality quirk.
- Reno (Voiced by puresage29): A pure coward who runs from every fight and is very easily startled (to the point of panic attacks or crying fits) who likes to negotiate using ponies.
- Rude (Voiced by Faustgesischt): Habitually breaks out into rapping his dialogue, though he is capable of speaking to others normally. His idol is Pitbull, to whom he bares an uncanny resemblance.
- Tseng (Voiced by GuitArchon): Constantly narrates his lines and actions like he's voicing over a movie trailer. Also, he is quite the sexist, belittling most women with every chance he gets.
- Elena (Voiced by CelticButterfly): She talks in a normal manner 70% of the time, but makes frequent sexual innuendos under her breath. She seems to have no conscious knowledge of these remarks, however.
- Rufus Shinra (Voiced by DaBuddhaBoody): The son of the original president of the Shinra Corporation, he possesses an inexplicable German accent just like his father (in the abridged universe, anyway). Once his father died, Rufus made it his goal to be a strict president in order to improve the company. What experience does he have in making bizarre set-in-stone business decisions that alienate the populace, spit in the face of the original planner, and defy what any sane businessman would do? Easy: he works for CAPCOM as an executive.
- Professor Hojo (Voiced by cloudstrife8): Another fan-favorite, Prof. Hojo seems to have gone far off the deep-end. Prefacing nearly everything he says with, "Gentlemen, BEHOLD!" Hojo's absurd perceptions of his surroundings have apparently led him to experimenting on the effects of a dog on girls, wandering off from Shinra Corp., and forgetting to call Vincent for years to let him know that he's gotten enough bedrest by now.
- Sephiroth (Voiced by cloudstrife8): Speaking in a flamboyant manner, Sephiroth remains the main antagonist for Final Fantasy VII: Abridged. However, the spark that triggered his downward spiral into madness was not discovering that he was produced in a science experiement involving Jenova cells; Instead, his mind was broken from staring too long into the void known as the Internet (specifically 4Chan). As such, he often toys with the protagonists like an Internet troll.
Other voices supplied by Kris Martin, Blood Mage (Steve Wiroll), Tom Porter, Jason Emmons, YodaIsDeath13 (James Harder), and MaractusJack.
Advent Children: Abridged Edit
After numerous delays in the editing process, the Renegamers finally released Part 1 of their Advent Children: Abridged parody as of June 8th, 2016.
- Cait Sith's sound effects are voice clips of MC Ballyhoo, the host for Mario Party 8.
- According to GuitArchon, Professor Hojo's character is based off of Dr. Weird from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. This is why Hojo is always accompanied by the music "The Laboratory of Dr. Weird," whenever he's on screen.
- The cast spent several days attempting to define Yuffie's character. One night, during a 3-hour brainstorming session spent solely on this issue, cloudstrife8 randomly remarked to a suggestion with "I treat you like a princess...and you stab me in the back" (a quote from Tommy Wiseau, in his movie The Room). After all the time spent dwelling on how to portray Yuffie, this was apparently all it took to inspire the basis for her character.
- ChuangTzux2 also voiced Jessie. Her rant at the time of her death, when Cloud abandoned her, was entirely impromptu. The first outtakes episode has the entire rant, which wasn't used partially because GuitArchon's laughter was caught in the recording. No squirrels were harmed in the making of that rant.
- In Episode 3, "Cloud, The Pretty, Pretty Princess," when Don Corneo tells Cloud that he'll come back to him (her), Cloud responds, realizes he needs to talk like a girl now, and restates his line in a higher pitch. This line was actually an outtake.
- Also in Episode 3, once Cloud starts masquerading as a woman towards Don Corneo, his text boxes begin referring to him as "Cloudia."
- Much like Vincent, his voice actor VulgarVagabond rarely -if ever- answers his phone (assuming he has it on his person, turned on, and not set to silent).
- The theme song was not created by the group, but rather DeviantArt user spookydoom in 2005. The history and full version of the song can be here here. The full version is also still available for viewing on spookydoom's account.
- During Episode 8, "The CloudShank Redemption," if you turn up the volume during the Final Fantasy VII: Abridged title sequence, you can hear Barret continuing to sob for a solid 8 to 10 seconds.
- Proving her improvisation skills once again, ChuangTzux2 completely ad libbed the line "This must be what Tifa feels like every time she sees Aerith!" during Episode 11.
- When Cloud and his party start "skipping ahead" while peering into the memory pool (in Episode 12), they catch glimpses of things outside their own future. The random clips they see, in order of appearance, are:
- Final Fantasy X (Tidus' infamous laughing scene)
- The music video for "What What (In The Butt)" by Samwell
- Birdemic: Shock & Terror (The coathanger scene)
- Slender (Oh God! That game over screen!)
- The music video of One Direction's song "Na Na Na." ("I don't understand guys. Why are we watching garbage?")
- Episode 15 features the guest voice of SonsOfSatire/Kyol Dubsky, reprising his role as Cloud.
- Also in Episode 15, when all the various Clouds are joining into one, Tifa asks which version of Cloud the last one is. He answers with "Me llamo Cloud. Tengo un espada. Lucho cactuars porque..." In spanish, this translates to "My name is Cloud. I have a sword. I fight cactuars because..."
- In Episode 16, when Cloud calls Cid's cell phone, his ringtone appears to be the "Dr. Who" (David Tennant) theme. Also, when Cloud enters the code to unlock the Huge Materia, you can hear the button tones play the Victory Fanfare in the background.
- The ending of Episode 17 shows Cloud and the others back at the waterfall in the City of the Ancients "channel-flipping." The assorted videos that they come across include:
- Miley Cyrus twerking against Robin Thicke during the 2013 Grammies.
- CrkdBluShds (Cid's voice actor) performing a ukulele cover of "One-Winged Angel."
- The E3 Playstation 3 tech demo of the Final Fantasy VII opening cinematic in fully-realized HD.
- Solid Snake talking to the Darpa Chief in Twin Snakes (voiced by LordQuadros, creator of Metal Gear Abridged).
- Gameplay footage of Final Fantasy XIII, showing Lightning walking down one of the MANY hallways you encounter.
- CrkdBluShds drew heavy inspiration from Billy Bob Thornton's portrayal of Karl Childers in his film Sling Blade.
- In the Episode 19 finale, during Lucrecia's flashback, everyone speaks exclusively in Spanish (inexplicably). Hojo's second line of dialogue during the flashback is "El publico lo mas probable no entiende lo que estoy diciendo." His text box would have us believe that he is saying "Her decision has been made. The surgery commences tomorrow." What this actually translates to is "The audience probably can't understand what I'm saying."