|SAO Abridged Parody|
Something Witty Entertainment
March 29, 2013 - Ongoing
It's the year 2022 and virtual reality has progressed to the point where it has become hard to tell it apart from reality thanks to Kayaba Akihiko and his company Argus with the launch of their newest invention, The NerveGear.
Thousands of people rush to play its launch title, "Sword Art Online" only to find that when you die in the game you die in real life and they can't log out.
Now the fate of the players lay in the hands of one of the games strongest players. The only problem is that he's an asshole who doesn't care about them.
The opening song for the Aincrad Arc was "This is War" by 30 Seconds to Mars and it was replaced by "Real Life" by Greek Fire when the Fairy Dance Arc started.
In October 2014, it was announced that Jragoswinn and Misanda had left Something Witty Entertainment due to creative differences and their characters had been recast. This led to delay in the production of Episode 5 as new voice actors were cast for the characters of Klein (Dizzasta), Asuna (xbubblemunkyx), and Tiffany (Octopimp).
- YamatoSFX as Kazuto Kirigaya/Kirito:
- The male protagonist of the series. As in the original series, he is an extremely skilled combatant and one of the best players in the game. However, in the abridged version, Kirito is an arrogant and snarky egomaniac who often ridicules other players mercilessly, driving people like Asuna to call him "The Crown Prince of Douchebags". Despite the fact that he knowingly goes out of his way to inconvenience and ridicule other players, Kirito is still extremely self-conscious about himself. He originally was so self-conscious that he became shocked and incredibly upset whenever people called him an asshole. Though Kirito complains constantly about weaker players, he is often manipulated into joining miscellaneous quests. During his coerced membership of the Moonlit Black Cats, he meets and befriends Sachi who convinces him to try and be less of an asshole by taking the feeling of others into consideration. However, after her death, he realizes that being nice to people can only cause him pain since they will die regardless. He then decides to "kill forever" any part of him that can feel for others. Kirito's egomaniacal and narcissistic tendencies grow exponentially after Sachi's death, as well as resulting in several PTSD induced psychotic breaks. These include him brutally murdering the NPC who abandoned his guild mid-battle (resulting in Sachi's death), hysterically crying at night, becoming mentally shattered after being reminded by Silica and himself of Sachi's last words ("It's not your fault."), and desperately trying to console Lisbeth when he learns that she lost her entire guild as well. Despite still thinking he doesn't care about people, when an entire army was on the edge of dying he fought a giant demon boss so that he wouldn't have to see anyone else die. In the end he decided that it was best to fight for the rest of the players to be free of the game, even though he loved being the person he wished he could be in reality. He decided that his friends were more important than the game, and that he would protect them with his life.
- Misanda (Episode 2) and xbubblemunkyx (Episode 5–present) as Asuna Yuuki/Asuna:
- The female protagonist of the series and second in command of the Knights of the Blood Oath. Though she is skilled at combat and strategy, possibly even more than Kirito, she utterly lacks in the fundamentals of gaming, as she was unable to open her menu, send trade requests, understand that the player's names aren't their real ones or even eat. She was also unfamiliar with most gaming terminology, asking if the "expies" (EXP) she received after her first kill meant she was dying. Asuna is adept at dealing with Kirito's narcissism, but it is shown that she is extremely uncomfortable with black characters, namely Tiffany, due to her isolated upbringing. During their scenes together, Asuna exaggerates her speech in an effort to emulate gangster slang, to Kirito's endless amusement. On the surface she appears to be a nice caring person but beneath that she is a borderline psychotic person, also as a result of her upbringing. Despite this she pretends to be nice to people so people will like her for the person she wants people to see rather than the person she is. Due to her own broken psyche she ended up falling in love with Kirito due his problems being the yin to her yang. This is fuelled when she sees that Kirito has a hidden emotional side and as a result hates seeing him in harms way. In Episode 7 Asuna reveals her attraction to Kirito when Asuna interrupts an intimate moment between Lisbeth and Kirito and threatens to ruin Lisbeth's life. Episode 7 is also the most psychopathic example of Asuna's character in the show, as she burns down Lisbeth's blacksmith shop to express her jealousy. Despite her vaguely racist and sociopathic tendencies, Asuna proves her worth as a leader and easily gains the trust of others throughout the series. Even though she starts to show her affection for Kirito more openly throughout the episodes, she will still mock and/or threaten Kirito like before and will even try to play mind games with him in order to seem like the better person. An example of this being when the two got married in the game, a choice that both immediately regretted and yet they both constantly tried to get the other to admit it first. Eventually she and Kirito found a balance in their relationship and as a result found their own version of happiness.
- The first player that Kirito meets in the game. He made his first character, BallsDeep69, as a joke avatar to use while he got the hang of the game, but was stuck with the name when the creator removed the ability to log out. Kirito refuses to acknowledge Klein's real name (with the exception of when he has an emotional moment) upon meeting him and instead chooses to call him "Balls" or "Ballsy", something other players have continued. Klein corrects other players so often that the rest of his guild thinks "My name is Klein" is how he says hello. He is considered a legendary warrior by Don Fluffles' men. In the end he is one of the main factors of making Kirito change, much to his excitement.
- Jragoswinn (Episode 2) and Octopimp (Episode 5–present) as Tiffany:
- An African American living in Japan and a player in Sword Art Online. He doesn't appreciate the bravado and idiocy of most players in the game and enjoys putting people on edge and exploiting them, perhaps explaining his friendship with Kirito. In his first appearance, he attempted to be helpful by encouraging new players to study their player guide, but stopped when he realized no one had even opened the book. He isn't seen again until the fifth episode, where he has since set up a weapons shop where he sells weapons that break easily to unsuspecting customers, and admits that most of the players are idiots and are willing to buy anything and everything and therefore won't notice the difference. He is amiable to Kirito, his least favorite customer, as Kirito isn't "stupid enough to buy his crap". Tiffany dislikes Asuna, as she refuses not to talk to him without a gangster slang, which is her way of trying to seem cool and not racist.
- Takahata101 as Kayaba Akihiko/Heathcliff:
- The creator of the NerveGear and head programmer of the game Sword Art Online. He started the death game because he discovered on launch day that due to his sleep deprived attempt to release the game on time he didn't notice a glitch in the software that caused the NerveGear to explode and kill the players when they get a game over. Still delirious from his lack of sleep, and not being the best under stress, he decided that it'd be best if he masqueraded his mistake as some sort of "master plan" in order to avoid a low Metacritic score for being the game that accidentally killed a few people. He is a big fan of 80s and 90s movies and makes references to them to explain the situation to the players, but since none of the players have seen the movies he realized he had to improvise. He then spent the next two years trying to think of a way out of the mess that he found himself in, but when the players took a month to beat the first floor he decided to help them out by creating an Avatar named "Heathcliff" and formed the guild "The Knights of the Blood Oath". As a result of simultaneously trying to lead the idiotic players of the game and trying to think of of a solution to his problem his plans became even less fruitful and he was almost brought to the brink of insanity by their stupidity, as he gets easily annoyed by their stupidity. He is known to play cartoon sound effects and silly music when he thinks something is a joke; for example, during Kirito's dual with Kuradeel, he played circus music because he thought it was a clown show. As Heathcliff he appears as a stoic leader who is proud to lead his tropes, but he is at constant odds when he comes into contact with Kirito. When they first met face to face he offered him a place in his guild, thinking Kirito would graciously accept, and was caught off guard when he refused. Once, he sent Kirito and Asuna on their honeymoon just so Kirito wouldn't "piss someone off and kill thousands" during a peace talk his Guild was going to. At some points he lets his secret identity slip by making a few references and getting angry when no one gets them, but luckily for him he's surrounded by idiots so no one put two and two together. When Kirito figures out who he is via his references he reveals that he feels a kinship with him, as he knows "what it's like to grow up a genius in a world that just can't keep up with you". This connection is lost due to the character development Kirito went through however and this is symbolised when Kirito quotes Mythbusters' "I reject you're reality and substitute my own" but Kayaba thinks he's referencing the film the quote originated from, "The Dungeonmaster". After he is defeated he revealed how much of a hole he had dug himself into. It was then pointed out by Asuna that he could have blamed the whole situation on hackers pretending to be him, a point that he wishes he thought of himself. He tries one more time to connect with Kirito by checking to see if he had in fact seen the movie he accidentally quoted. When he confirms that he hasn't he is disappointed and sombrely walked away, yelling "Peace" before vanishing from the game.
- Lennon Drake as Suguha Kirigaya
- Kazuto's sister. She is a very aggressively sporty and very sarcastic person, possible more than Kazuto. She constantly makes fun of Kazuto, particularly about him injuring his penis when he accidentally ripped out his catheter when he woke up, and especially about his "online wife" who she doesn't believes exists.
- KaiserNeko as Nobuyuki Sugou/Oberon
- The man who was arranged to marry Asuna in order to stop her father paying her medical bills. He is a very perverted man who only hides his true nature from his boss, Shouzou Yuki. He has a habit of sniffing Asuna's hair and making her "say" things by moving her lips and talking in a girl voice. During the SAO incident he convinced Shouzou Yuki to buy up the Aincrad servers in order to keep the players alive because it would look good on the company, as such he was the reason Kirito, Asuna and the other remaining players are still alive. Online however he is Oberon the Fairy King, the ruler of the world in the game Alfheim Online, to which he owns and controls the servers. And in this game he is holding Asuna hostage until she agrees to marry him.
- Hayabusa449 as Kibaou
- A player who is under the belief that the beta testers of the game are the reason they're stuck in it. He has a undefined relationship with Diabel but he seemed concerned and shocked when he died. He later join the Aincrad Liberation and became the leader of a group trying to claim the position as the leader in a power struggle. He tricked his major rival, Thinker, into being trapped in a secret dungeon and assumed the position in his absence. It is unclear what happened after Thinker was rescued.
- AtomicVoice as Gary:
- An NPC from the world of SAO and is a member of the Moonlit Black Cats guild; the show's version of Ducker. Gary abandons his guild by teleporting out of the dungeon along with all the teleport crystals, leaving them to fend for themselves. He is often heard saying "We must save my family!", pertaining to his quest which Keita never finished. He reappears in Episode 5 during the boss-clearing meeting where Kirito mercilessly tortures and presumably kills him for leaving Sachi to die.
- Rachel Michelle as Yolko:
- A timid, clumsy and dim-witted player in Sword Art Online and a prospective victim of a murderer. After her friend Kains was murdered in a Safe Zone, Yolko accompanies Asuna and Kirito in their investigation. Though she is helpful in the beginning of the investigation, Yolko insists the killer is the ghost of her guild leader Griselda, back from the dead to seek revenge on her and Schmitt. She, too, is murdered in a Safe Zone. It is later revealed that she and Kains faked their deaths as part of a plan to get Schmitt to confess to killing Griselda. When Kains asked her why he got Kirito and Asuna involved in their plan she couldn't come up with a good reason. Kirito and Asuna figure out that the killer was not Schmitt, but Griselda's husband Grimlock.
- Hayabusa449 as Kains
- A former member of the same guild as Yolko, Schmitt, Griselda and Grimlock. When their leader, Griselda, was murdered he came to the conclusion that Schmitt was responsible due to him being on the side of keeping the item he believe got her killed. So he teamed up with Yolko and came up with an elaborate plan to fake their deaths in order to get him to confess, which took six months to make. When they executed the plan they ended up getting attacked by Laughing Coffin but were then rescued by Kirito. He waited until Kirito was done explaining how he figured out their plan, because he kept getting interrupted, to express his confusion on who he was. Yolko explained that she "entangled him into our web of lies", but when he asked why she couldn't come up with a good reason. He became more annoyed when he found out she brought Asuna in on it too and she added her to her friends list, giving away that they were still alive... He became shocked that Schmitt, this bumbling man, wasn't the murder but rather Griselda's husband was the culprit. He then initiated the others to take Grimlock behind a tree and beat him to death.
- ChaseFace and KaggyVA as Schmitt:
- A paranoid player in Sword Art Online who was often afraid of his angry fans and couldn't handle pressure. He makes a brief appearance in the fifth episode as the prospective victim of the murderer Asuna and Kirito are investigating. Schmitt worked as a game reviewer in the real world, and, since being trapped in the game, has become paranoid that his more hateful commenters will take advantage of his predicament and make attempts on his life. When Kains and Yolko appear to Schmitt, pretending to be ghosts as part of their plan to get him to admit to killing Griselda, Schmitt reveals that he is willing to comply with just about any demands (including killing or crucifixion of orphans) in order to save his own life. He is so paranoid about dying that he simply takes the blame for anything in hopes of living.
- LordMegatronG1 as Jeffrey:
- A player in Sword Art Online. He is first seen in the fight against the first floor boss. He is shown to be insane as he constantly has visions of Jesus, who tells him to kill people. Most of the things Jeffrey says and does are because "Jesus told [him] to." In Episode 6, it is revealed that Jeffrey is the leader of Laughing Coffin, one of the most feared red guilds in the game. Jeffrey always recites a Bible verse before killing his victims, but they are almost always inaccurate or made up. The other members of Laughing Coffin are not particularly fond of the religious theme that Jeffrey has established, and neither are any potential high-paying clients. Kirito advises Jeffrey and the other members of Laughing Coffin to re-brand themselves in order to be able to perform contract killing for a wider demographic. In return he made his three contracts into Kirito's slaves. This encounter resulted in their eventual arrest after releasing an advert for their guild that gave away where their secret base was.
- Sonicring123Dubs as Johnny Black
- One of the members of Laughing Coffin who is not very happy with Jeffrey's decisions on how to lead the guild. He wanted the guild to be bigger than the three members they had and for it to be more profitable. Unfortunately, this caused them to be easily manipulated by Kirito into making an advert for their guild, which Johnny narrated, that gave away where the location of their secret base was resulting in their arrest.
- Hayabusa449 as Kuradeel
- A member of the Knights of the Blood Oath who was introduced as Asuna's bodyguard. He appeared to be a quiet man, until he met Kirito that is. After which he became easily annoyed by his constant insults regarding his face, which included comparisons to Voldemort and Jeff Golblum in the Fly. He also appeared to have little concept of personal space as he broke into Asuna's house and watched her sleep to make sure he was doing his job properly, failing to see the irony obviously. His hatred for Kirito grew after he beat him in a dual and made him look like a fool. It was later revealed that he was a fan of the guild Laughing Coffin and when he found out that Kirito was responsible for them "selling out" and their resulting capture his hatred for him grew even further. When he found out that Godfree, another player he hated for always talking in Shakespearean dialect and mistaking him for being an old man, had paired the two of them together in a training exercise he concocted a plan to kill the two of them. After successfully killing Godfree he quickly moved to Kirito, but his joy grew to annoyance when Kirito tried to make sure Kuradeel didn't enjoy his death by mocking his motives and saying "this is the greatest day of my life". He was then knocked off guard by Asuna who attacked him until he begged for his life. She then said that she'd turn him into Heathcliff as she didn't want his blood on her hands, but she then swiftly killed him when he joyfully asked if that was true. During this scene it was heavily implied that he had a serious Oedipus complex or a similar issue as he can be heard saying "don't hit me mommy you know it makes me hard" during a daze after Asuna hit him during her rescue.
- Megami33 as Lizbeth
- A skilled blacksmith who runs a weapons shop in Lindas on the 48th floor. She is, or rather was, best friends with Asuna who frequently visited her shop to repair her sword. The year prior to her meeting with Kirito, she was part of guild which perished in a high-level dungeon looking for a rare item for Lizbeth's blacksmithing. She blames herself because she ran ahead and, unaware of her surroundings, triggered the trap that led to their deaths. Lizbeth then refused to leave her shop for nearly a year until Kirito came along and circumstances forced her to come with him to retrieve a rare item guarded by a dragon. They connect over their similar tragic backstories and Lizbeth develops romantic feelings towards Kirito. When Asuna finds out about this she threatens Lizbeth to stay away from Kirito. She then realised how much of an asshole Kirito was, presumably, stops having romantic feelings to wards him. Asuna later found out about her talking to Kirito and made good on her threat and burnt down her shop. She then stops being friends with her and remains terrified of her after this, to the point where she jumps out of windows upon seeing her.
- BuddyVA as The King of Ashes
- A blood thirsty player who ends up ruling over the mob that destroyed Colonia after Kirito and Heathcliff's duel. He and Don Fluffles hold Heathcliff hostage after their peace talk goes array, this was eventually settled after torture, gladiatorial combat, and Pictionary. That is until Kirito sends him a message, or something, that sends him into a murderous rampage. He is never seen again, or at all for that matter, but he does apparently send Kirito death threats on Twitter.
- Don Fluffles as Don Fluffles
- A rather sadistic cat that learned to play Sword Art Online. First appearing in Episode 2, Don Fluffles became the leader of the mob that Keita was indebted to. Kirito has a few interactions with him, including one in which he attempted to murder the cat by (presumably) pushing him off a cliff. In Episode 9, Don Fluffles is revealed to have joined the Knights of the Blood Oath, but soon turned traitor to join the King of Ashes in his rampage. He remained with the King of Ashes until the end of season one, and is described by Heathcliff to enjoy torture, gladiatorial combat, and Pictionary.
- TehExorcist as Diabel:
- The leader of the group that forms to fight the first boss. Aside from Kirito, Asuna, and Tiffany, he is the most intelligent, sensible, and competent member of the group. He is very annoyed by everyone else's complete stupidity and lack of combat skills. When the boss's health was low, Diabel tried to attack the boss himself, but was fatally injured. He was offered a health potion by Kirito which he refused due to his loss of hope in the other players and inability to cope with their idiocy. He died in Kirito's arms, stating he doubts they would have ever been friends.
- spritestuff as Keita:
- A cheater and the leader of the Moonlit Black Cats. He is also a manipulative opportunist and noticed that Kirito had very impressive stats, so he "convinced" him to join his guild. The rest of the guild is mostly made up of NPCs from various quests that Keita never finished. Keita figured out that as long as you don't complete the quests the NPCs stay with you and help fight and exploited this to his benefit. Keita owns a hat that adds +50 charisma points when worn, which he uses to convince other players (mostly Kirito) to do certain tasks for him. He ended up owing the game's Mafia a debt when he convinces them that he could duplicate a rare item for them, only to find out that that exploit got patched out of the game, and then selling the item to get money instead of giving it back to them. Upon learning that his entire guild (except for Kirito) was killed trying to repay this debt he commits suicide by jumping off a ledge. It was revealed later that because he stole the tutorial NPC he was partly responsible for most of the player's deaths.
- NikoruChan18 as Sachi
- A member of the Moonlit Black Cats. She has very poor internet connection, causing her to lag and glitch frequently. She ends up running away because she's worried that her lag will end up getting her guild killed. When Kirito finds her, she is able to show him how much of a jerk he has been to other players. When fighting in a booby-trapped room, she lags, which leads to her death. She tried to reassure him that her death wasn't his fault, but unfortunately her lag caused her last few words "your fault" to repeat. Like the anime, Kirito grieves over her death throughout the series. However, unlike the anime, Sachi's death plays a larger role in the series as it affects Kirito's sanity and leads to several PTSD episodes whenever he is reminded of her last words.
- Rachel Michelle as Silica
- The youngest character seen so far in Sword Art Online, appearing in Episode four. Though she was a member of a small party, she split off from her group when her teammates threatened to skin her pet dragon, Pina, for leather-working experience. Silica's naivety ends up getting Pina killed when they are trapped in a battle with higher level monsters, and she is forced to team up with Kirito to resurrect him with the Pnuma flower. On their journey together, Silica admits that she isn't fond of Kirito's callous nature and brutal efficiency, and calls him "the worst person [she'd] ever met" when they finish their quest. When the Pnuma flower fails to resurrect her pet due to it being expired, she goes berserk, leaving temporary gouges on Kirito's face.
- puccaagarukiss as Rosalia
- A player in Sword Art Online, and previous teammate to Silica. After driving Silica out of their guild, Rosalia follows her and Kirito on their journey, and ambushes them. She reveals herself to be the leader of the low-level guild "Titan's Hand", and orders Kirito to hand the Numa flower over to her. When Kirito refuses, she begins to monologue, with the intent of breaking Kirito's spirit. However, her words have the opposite effect, as Kirito becomes enraged when Rosalia compares his voice to a girl's. Rosalia orders her minions to attack him, but his high level renders their efforts futile, and (unlike the anime) he ultimately kills her by cutting her throat with the edge of his sword. As she dies, Rosalia tells Kirito to "Enjoy this while [he] can; it's the deepest [he'll] ever be in a woman." Kirito calls back to this when he has sex with Asuna by yelling "SUCK IT ROSLALIA" which Asuna get angry at for calling another girl's name.
- KaiserNeko as Grimlock
- The husband of his guilds leader, Griselda. He became depressed after his wife stopped making him his food and focused more on trying to beat the game. So naturally he killed his wife because of this... He then helped Kains and Yolko try to get Schmitt to confess for his crime to avoid suspicion. He was then found out months later but was unapologetic for his actions. He was only brought to tears when Asuna criticised his hat, which Asuna said made him look like a hipster and Kirito begrudgingly added it made him look like "John Lennon joined the mafia". He was then taken behind a tree and killed by his former guild mates.
- MOM0KI as Griselda
- The former leader of the guild Golden Apple. She was killed by her husband for not cooking his meals. She is last seen as a ghost in the game, accidentally scaring Asuna and Kirito off.
- Jragoswinn and KaggyVA as Corvatz
- One of the players who fought the first boss, during which he and another player came up with a strategy of grouping up "and hit it 'til it dies". He later became a "General" of the Aincrad Liberation Front. During this time he found an item that punctuated his words with Spanish Guitar and started talking in an accent to "boost morale among my men", ironically resulting in the opposite. He met his fate when he went to fight the Gleam Eyes and used his "brilliant" stragegy, to which the boss took one swing at him and killed him.
- Antfish as Godfree
- A member of the Knights of the Blood Oath who is a hardcore roleplayer. He adopts a Shakespearean style of speech and is brutally murdered by Kuradeel because of it.
- redasatomato as Yui
- As the therapist program of the game, she was meant to manage and care for the players if and when they developed any psychological issues caused by the game. However, since day one, she has been unable to communicate with the players for reasons unknown even to her. As a result she fell into despair as she watched countless players die and/or go insane, unable to help. During this time she saw Kirito and Asuna and concluded from how they interacted that one would eventually kill the other. But to her surprise they ended up falling in love with each other, which caused her to become curious how such a broken relationship could possibly work. She somehow entered the game and managed to trick the two into taking care of her in order to begin her study of them. During this time she felt like their daughter, even though she knew they were using her in their mind games against each other. Eventually, due to unforeseen circumstance, she ended up being deleted by the system after it mistook her for a foreign entity. However, Kirito managed to save her data as a game item so they could see her again when they beat the game.
- Hayden Daviau as Sasha
- A player who owns an orphanage for the children of the game who are too young to go out fighting bosses. She keeps them safe until the day the game is beaten. She originally appears quiet and understanding but she is pushed over the edge after Kirito and Asuna "buy" her orphanage.
- AliFluro as Yulier
- A member of the Aincrad Liberation Front. She is a loyal follower of one of the Guild members, Thinker, due to her blind love for him. She, like most players, didn't see/expect Kibaou to gain so many followers and start a rebellion in the guild to overthrow Thinker. She tends to let her deep, slightly perverted, feelings for him slip out now and then making everyone feel uncomfortable. When she asked for help from Kirito and Asuna she was taken aback by their "daughter's" intellectual breakdown of her and Thinker and even more caught off guard when Asuna threatened Thinker's life if she fought Yui over it. Once they were on their mission she was shocked at how broken their family dynamic was. She ended up triggering the boss of the dungeon that was holding Thinker hostage after running towards him. She was then threatened by Asuna to "get my daughter and you dumb asses out of here" as she planned to have words with them later, to which she fearfully obliged. She was last seen warping porting away with Thinker when Yui went to fight the boss.
- Faulerro as Thinker
- One of the players fighting to be the leader of the Aincrad Liberation Front after it devolved into infighting. He wishing for peace and is at constant odds with Kibaou. Despite his name, as Yui points out, he isn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree and he was tricked into going to a "peace talk" with Kibaou which was held in a dungeon. To his surprise it was a trap to leave him there with no equipment and no way to contact any help due to the dungeons "poor reception", or so Kibaou told him. He was eventually rescued by Kirito and Asuna and is last seen warping away with Yulier.
- Coffinjockey as Nishida
- An old man who fishes for the sole reason of having sex with them.
- BlazingAzureCrow as Shouzou Yuuki
- Asuna's father. A greedy man who was almost tempted to cut his daughter's life support in order to save money on medical bills, but was only stopped when his lawyers pointed out that would "cause more problems that it would probably solve". So he opted to "marry her off" to one of his employees instead, even though he didn't know his name or what he was like. He tends to get confused about who people are depending on what branded products they have on them. He calls Nobuyuki Sugou, the guy he plans to marry his daughter to, "Versace" because that's what he had on his briefcase and he greets his "Ferrari guy" with an Italian accent. On a side note, he apparently has a habit of buying a lot of Ferrari's.
- YamatoSFX: Kirito, Beta-Tester's Roommate, Timmy, Additional Voices
- Hayabusa449: Kuradeel, Fatty (Episode 1), Kibaou (Episode 2), "The Bandits Are Coming" NPC (Episode 3), Kains, Additional Voices
- Jragoswinn: Klein (1/2), Narrator, Tiffany (1/2), Beta-Tester, Stephen, Caps Lock Guy, Sir Jack Dapper, Nicholas the Renegade
- Misanda: Asuna (1/2), Gregory the Butler & Info Broker (Episode 3)
- Sonicring123: Girl Guy (Episode 1), Party Member (Episode 4), The Three Bromigos (Episode 5), extras, Johnny Black (Episode 6)
- Dizzasta: Klein (2/2), Goon 1 and 3 (Episode 4), Announcer (Episode 7)
- xbubblemunkyx: Asuna (2/2)
- Octopimp: Tiffany (2/2)
- Megami33: Lizbeth (Episode 7 and Episode 9)
- Takahata101: Kayaba Akihiko/Heathcliff (Episode 1, Episode 9, Episode 10 and Episode 11)
- Lennon Drake as Suguha Kirigaya
- KaiserNeko: Grimlock (Episode 6) Nobuyuki Sugou/Oberon (Episode 12)
- TehExorcist: Diabel (Episode 2)
- LordMegatronG1: Jeffrey & Voices in Jeffrey's Head, Charlie (Episode 3 and Episode 6)
- Spritestuff: Keita (Episode 3)
- AtomicVoice: Gary
- NikoruChan18: Sachi (Episode 3)
- SakiSeshi: Dungeon Announcer (Episode 3)
- Senile Snake: Mob Goon (Episode 3)
- Rachel Michelle: Silica (Episode 4), Yolko (Episode 5 and Episode 6)
- puccaagarukiss: Rosalia (Episode 4)
- KaggyVA: "Dream" Kirito, Goon 2, Additional Voices (Episode 4), Schmitt (2/2)
- Daniel Hodge: Additional voices (Episode 4)
- ChaseFace: Schmitt (1/2)
- Sonicring123Dubs: Johnny Black (Episode 6 and Episode 9)
- MOM0KI: Griselda (Episode 6)
- Antfish: Godfree (Episode 9)
- Lanipator: Bob (Episode 9)
- Eagle8burger: Sam (Episode 9)
- redasatomato: Yui (Episode 10)
- BuddyVA: King of Ashes (Episode 10)
- Hayden Daviau: Sasha (Episode 10)
- AliFluro: Yulier (Episode 10)
- Faulerro: Thinker (Episode 10)
|Episode 1||Mar 29, 2013|
|Episode 2||Aug 19, 2013|
|Episode 3||Dec 21, 2013|
|Episode 4||Apr 9, 2014|
|Episode 5||Dec 11, 2014|
|Episode 6||Apr 22, 2015|
|Episode 7||Jul 31, 2015|
|Episode 8||Nov 1, 2015|
|Episode 9||Mar 11, 2016|
|Episode 10||Aug 28, 2016|
|Episode 11||Mar 27, 2017|
Fairy Dance ArcEdit
|Episode 12||Dec 14, 2017|
|Episode 13||Aug 24, 2018 (Unavailable on YouTube due to copyright strike)|
Differences from the Anime Edit
Aincrad Arc Edit
- There are no advertisements; nor is there the option to buy AdBlock for $29.99
- Klein's username isn't "BallsDeep69" and his Avatar wasn't a joke one to use to get a handle on he game before creating his own.
- And his guild members don't think "my name is Klein" is how he says hello as of result of him trying to correct people.
- Kirito isn't a cocky asshole in the original Anime.
- Kirito doesn't kill the pig with the stone he throws at it, Klien listens to some advice Kirito gives him and kills it in one thrust.
- Kirito also doesn't go into a long expositional ramble about "The Mithril Pebble of Pig Smiting" that lasts hours to the point where Klien wonders if he gets bullied in real life.
- The words "ha ha ha" don't repeatedly scroll across Klien's menu once he a Kirito realise they can't log out.
- It is never stated that there was a problem of NerveGear beta testers punching their roomates while playing a game on it, nor is it stated there were lawsuits because of this.
- Kayaba doesn't have trouble during his speech, including getting the players attention or muting himself.
- Kayaba never references any movies or TV shows.
- The two players who realise one is a guy and the other isn't seventeen don't state to be "okay with this" after the initial shock, nor does someone shout out "love knows no gender".
- Kayaba isn't shocked that most of the players are "fairly attractive twenty somethings" before stating his pride in them for "breaking down stereotypes".
- There is never a profanity filter in the game, therefore Kayaba doesn't turn it off before leaving.
- Kirito doesn't state he needs "cannon fodder" for a mini-boss while asking for Klein's help.
- Kirito doesn't run off crying after Klein calls him and asshole.
- The players who come to the boss strategy meeting aren't unaware that two thousand people have died and/or unaware that the game has a hundred floors.
- "Tiffany" doesn't call his avatar "Tiffany". Instead he goes by "Agil" which is an abbreviated version of his real name, "Andrew Gilbert Miles".
- He also doesn't go by "Thunder Lion", "The Chocolate Axe" or any other name he mentions.
- He also doesn't claim to be "done" with the other players during the first strategy meeting.
- It is never stated whether or not the players read the beta testers guide nor is it implied to have been a joke by Kirito.
- Asuna never struggles to open the menu; at least we're never shown it.
- Diavel doesn't die because Kirito wouldn't stop lecturing him over the difference between an Ōdachi and a Talwar.
- Diavel doesn't refuse to accept the Health potion because his faith in the others players has detreated due to their stupidity.
- Diavel is revealed to be a beta tester in the anime, this doesn't happen in the abridged version.
- Diavel doesn't say that he doubts Kirito and him could have been friends.
- Asuna and Kirito don't fight over who should get the last attack during the battle.
- There is never a cat that learns to play the game.
- Asuna doesn't ask for "half of the coat" after the battle. She instead ask how he knew her name and Kirito points out it showed up in the corner of the screen when they formed a party, which she somehow didn't see.
- There is never a character called "Sir Jack Dapper" who serves as a narrator at any point in the series.
- Keita doesn't approach Kirito because of his level; Kirito hides it from them out of shame... for some reason.
- Keita doesn't put on a hat that raises his charm stat in order to get people to do what he wants.
- The majority of the Moonlit Black Cats are not NPCs.
- Nor is it never implied that Keita never completed the tutorial, nor that he stole the tutorial NPC.
- "Detective mode" doesn't cause the player's eyes to sizzle once it's turned off.
- Sachi doesn't die due to lag in the original series and as such never haunts Kirito with the words "your fault". This is because she does not experience lag and it is not implied to live 'in the boonies'.
- The Moonlit Black Cats never get indebted to the game's "mob". And most of the party don't die trying to find the item they owe them. Also, the game is never suggested to have a "mob".
- Kirito doesn't struggle to understand that what he's feeling is sadness over his friends dying.
- The group that tries attack Kirito isn't the mob trying to collect on his former guilds debt, they are a guild trying to get the reviving item that Kirito is trying to get.
- The item that Nicholas the Renegade drops isn't a hat, it's an item that revives players but only within a few seconds of their avatars deaths.
- Kirito never cries as loud at night over Sachi. He is shown doing it once in a scene that is implied to have happened but is it is skipped by Jack Dapper.
- Kirito is never shown to have such severe mental breaks.
- Kirito doesn't initially turn down Silica pleas for help. He agrees straight away because she reminds him of his sister.
- The journey to get the flower to resurrect Pina isn't so complicated, nor does it involve bosses. It ends when they pick up that flower.
- Kirito knew straight away that Rosalia was in Titan's hand; he never thought that she was in Laughing Coffin.
- Rosalia is never presented as a psych student, and she doesn't push Kirito over the edge by saying that he sounds like a girl. This is because he doesn't sound as pubescent in the sub or the dub.
- Kirito doesn't kill Rosalia, he sends her and her guild to prison.
- Rosalia doesn't claim that his sword in her neck will be "the deepest you'll ever be in a woman".
- As such Kirito doesn't shout "suck it Rosalia" while having sex with Asuna.
- Silica doesn't call Kirito "the worst person I've ever met". She instead develops feelings for him.
- Silica doesn't fail to bring back Pina, and she doesn't go on a blood thirty rampage as a result.
- Kirito doesn't kill an NPC at the strategy meeting to kill the boss.
- The boss they as discussing isn't called "Sheeptaur the Sheep King"; it's actually never named.
- Kitito never gets high by eating random plants to increase his alchemy skills.
- Kirito never draws a cat face on Asuna's face; he keeps watch to make sure nobody attacks her.
- A conversation about people manipulating sleeping people into accepting a duel takes place. This is skipped in the abridgement.
- Asuna never questions why Kirito wants to help Yolko, nor is Kirito's reasons to prove he was right about not dying in a safe zone.
- Kirito is never referred to as "the crown prince of douchebags".
- Asuna doesn't "pretend to be nice to people" nor is she such a broken person under the surface.
- Agil doesn't sell rubbish weapons to profit off the idiotic players, he instead sells the best weapons he can in order to help the idiotic players. And the other ones.
- Asuna never talks to Agil in gangster slang in order to not seem racist.
- Agil doesn't ask Asuna under his breath why she keeps coming back to his store, or compare her to a witch or any creature repealed by salt lines.
- Schmitt is never stated to be a YouTuber, nor is he scared about his haters trying to kill him over his opinions.
- Kirito doesn't fail to jump onto the roof. Hence, Asuna never tells Kirito that he'll "never be Batman".
- Kirito doesn't leave Asuna alone with Schmitt.
- Kirito doesn't figure out the mystery off screen.
- Schmitt doesn't offer to kill orphans to "Grizelda's ghost".
- Johnny Black isn't one of the haters Schmitt is afraid of.
- The leader of Laughing Coffin isn't called "Jeffery", he's called PoH (Prince of Hell), and he doesn't have hallucinations about Jesus or quote obscure or incorrect bible passages.
- As a result Johnny Black doesn't question his motif or authority. Nor is the guild failing to get clients.
- Kirito doesn't claim to be a member of "Aincrad PD" nor does he give Laughing Coffin financial advice.
- Meaning Kirito's actions don't result in them giving away their secret location, resulting in their arrest.
- PoH doesn't make Caynz and Yolko Kirito's slaves as thanks for his advice.
- The method Yolko and Caynz use doesn't involve exploiting a glitch. It involves disguising their warping in the explosions of certain items when they break.
- It is never pointed out that Yolko didn't need to ask Kirito and Asuna for help.
- Kirito doesn't point out how stupid Grimlock's motives are.
- Asuna more or less gives the speech that Kirito gives rather than pointing out that Grimlock's hat makes him look like a hipster.
- Grimlock doesn't crumble when Asuna and Kirito mocks his hat.
- Caynz, Yolko and Schmitt don't kill Grimlock for killing Griselda.
- Asuna and Kirito don't runaway screaming from Griselda's ghost.
- Nor does Kirito lose his sword by throwing it at her.
- This event is never mentioned again in the original, but it's not because Kirito and Asuna both agree that it "never happened" out of denial. The reason it's never mentioned is because this story was released in a book of short stories years after the original book.
- Lisbeth isn't presented as such of a shut in. She is never shown to leave the shop but she is never stated to be "living vicariously" through Asuna to the point where she considers Asuna's sex life as her own.
- Kirito doesn't mock Lisbeth for using the word "gnarliest", as she does in the dub.
- In the original Lisbeth insists to come with Kirito, where as in the abridgement she accidentally ropes herself in to the quest.
- Kirito doesn't call Lisbeth "Sachi" by accident.
- Kayaba never plays sound effects to punctuate something he finds funny.
- Lisbeth doesn't tell Kirito her backstory, it is only implied.
- Kirito doesn't start crying due to their similarities.
- Lisbeth doesn't start thinking like a Noir character briefly.
- The crafting system doesn't have an over the top, "seizure inducing", mini game that only the person crafting can see. Or at least it is never stated...
- Asuna doesn't threaten Lisbeth or burn down her shop out of jealousy.
- Lisbeth doesn't run away out of fear. She actually runs off because she realises that Kirito and Asuna like each other and she decides to not pursue her own feelings to give Asuna a chance and make her happy.
- Kirito doesn't name the sword Lisbeth makes "Sunlight Heart", or claim to name it "The Piece of Shit... Dragon Shit that is" etc. The sword instead comes with the name "Dark Repulser" after it is made.
- Lisbeth doesn't admit that she wanted to sleep with Kirito, nor admit how ridiculous that idea was due to how much of an ass Kirito is.
- Kirito never insults Kuradeel's face.
- Asuna doesn't ask Kirito if him offering to split the Ragout Rabbit her is him asking her out on a date. And she doesn't enforce the prospect to the point that Kirito feels like he's being mugged.
- Kirito doesn't expect Asuna to be leading him to a trap to kill him.
- Kirito doesn't mistake Asuna telling him to put his sword away for her telling him she can see his erection.
- The dish Asuna makes doesn't glow.
- Kirito doesn't find Asuna's change in behaviour worrying nor does he asked if she likes him.
- Kirito doesn't immediately know that he accidentally squeezed Asuna's boob in the original, nor is he familiar enough with anime tropes to realize where this is going.
- Kuradeel does go overboard in his duties, but not to the extent that he breaks into her house and watches her sleep.
- Asuna doesn't pretend to be a damsel in distress in order to get Kirito to fight for her because it was "more satisfying" than complaining about his actions and trying to avoid the political backlash if she beat him up. She was, in fact, temporarily a damsel.
- Kirito and Asuna go to the Gleam Eyes boss room before meeting Kobatz in the original, but they run away out of fear.
- Kirito and Asuna don't experience horrible taste for anything else after eating the Ragout Rabbit.
- Klein doesn't ask Kirito if he wants to show Asuna his "sword skills" nor is Asuna interested in his response.
- Kobatz doesn't talk like a Spaniard nor are his words punctuated with Spanish guitar.
- Kobatz isn't a General in the Aincrad Liberation Force, he was a Lieutenant-Colonel.
- The part of the conversation where Kobatz asks for the dungeon map is skipped.
- Kobatz isn't implied to have been one of the players who fought the first boss.
- In the original Asuna runs into fight the Gleam Eyes first and Kirito runs in after her to protect her, Kirito runs in first in the abridgement because it fits his character arc better.
- Kirito doesn't rant at the Gleam Eyes for "making him care about people".
- Klein doesn't tell Kirito to "not give up on humanity just yet."
- No one was live streaming Kirito's fight with the Gleam Eyes.
- Agil and Lisbeth don't jump out of a window out of fear of Asuna (related to the changes in Asuna's prior actions towards them).
- Kirito doesn't challenge Heathcliff to their fight in the original, Heathcliff challenges him.
- Additionally their fight isn't about whether or not Kirito joins the guild it's about who gets to keep Asuna, as she had been ignoring her duties as the vice commander to spend time with Kirito.
- Heathcliff does ask Kirito to join his guild but it was as a condition if loses their fight.
- Kirito is not knocked down by Heathcliff within four seconds of their fight. The strategy he comes up with is how it goes down in the original.
- Colinia doesn't devolve into a flame filled lawless zone after the dual between Heathcliff and Kirito doesn't go how they wanted. Nor is it eventually ruled by a guy called "The King of Ashes".
- As such, Don Fluffles never joins 'The King of Ashes'...partly due to neither feline players nor the Mafia existing.
- Godfree doesn't speak in Ye Olde English nor is he stated to be Role Player.
- He therefore does not break character in order to plead for mercy as he dies.
- Kuradeel is a member of Laughing Coffin in the original, as opposed to a fan; he was recruited after his fight with Kirito.
- Kuradeel isn't mad at Kirito for making Laughing Coffin "sell out".
- Kuradeel doesn't call Asuna a bitch, nor does he try to insist that it is a complement out of fear.
- Nor does Kirito refer to Asuna as a bitch as a compliment (echoing Kuradeel's last words) before they kiss.
- Asuna doesn't kill Kuradeel in the Anime, but she does in the original web novel. Her reasoning is different, however.
- Asuna doesn't foreshadow her "death" when she's crying in front of Kirito in the original by saying she wants "almost die once in a while" to get back at him for making her for the second time that week over his potential death. She's crying because she feels like the whole situation with Kuradeel was her fault and that she feels like she should stay away from him for his safety.
- Kirito swears his loyalty to Asuna and asks to stay at her house for the night. The abridged version doesn't explain why Kirito went there.
- Asuna does strip out of nowhere, but she does it because she somehow confused Kirito's asking to stay over as "lets have sex tonight", not because she wanted to and/or Kirito pointing out the "dubious implications" of him staying over so late.
- Asuna isn't as confident to strip in front of Kirito in the original.
- Kirito doesn't squeal like girl over realising him and Asuna are about to have sex.
- It is never stated that they did have sex in the Anime but implied. There was a scene that was cut from the original book however.
- Asuna does punch Kirito, but it's because she blamed him for her mistake not because he called out someone else's name during sex.
- Asuna and Kirito don't have voices in their head judging their actions after their night together.
- Kirito does propose to Asuna, and she does say yes, but they both don't immediately regret it and/or try to get the other to admit it first.
- Kirito and Asuna don't use Yui as a means to get the other to admit that them getting married was a mistake.
- Heathcliff doesn't use their honeymoon as an excuse to get Kirito as far away from the upcoming peace talk as he can. They instead ask for permission to take a break from the guild and get married in secret.
- The two find Yui in the woods in the original, rather than her suddenly appear in Asuna's bed like she does in the abridgement.
- Kirito and Asuna don't end up "buying" Sasha's orphanage in order to one up each other.
- Yulier doesn't have perverted tendencies about Thinker nor does she accidentally or deliberately slip her fantasies into her sentences.
- No one points out how dumb Thinker and Yulier are.
- Sasha doesn't go into a rage over being constantly ignored and kick everyone out of her orphanage.
- Yui doesn't quote the Foreigner song "I Want To Know What Love Is".
- Kirito doesn't say that their Honeymoon was a nice one despite the fact their "daughter" "died right in front of [them], thinking she was alone and unloved".
- The scene where Kirito fishes and the entire mini arc with Nishida takes place in the original, but is cut in the abridgement.
- Nishida is never implied to have have sex with fish.
- The Skull Reaper doesn't glitch out and die on its own. Nor does the door to the next floor fail to open.
- Heathcliff doesn't get mad when every starts pointing out the games flaws. The flaws in the game are either ignored in the original or added on to in this version.
- Due to the fact that Heathcliff never makes any references, Kirito doesn't figure out that Heathcliff is Kayaba that way. Instead he comes to the conclusion that his health never goes into the red because the system is protecting him because he was faster than he was during their fight.
- Kayaba doesn't start ranting about the other players idiocy after being exposed nor does Kirito defend them.
- Kayaba doesn't kill anyone for "mildly sassing" him after being exposed in the original.
- Kirito doesn't impressinate Eric Cartman while taunting Kayaba's childish antics.
- Kayaba was the one who initiated the rematch in the original as a "reward" for finding him out.
- Asuna doesn't tell Kirito to "cry your little bitch tears" upon her "death".
- Kayaba doesn't question how Asuna broke out of his admin paralysis through the "power of love".
- The reason for Kayaba starting the death game didn't involve him being sleep deprived or the game being extremely glitchy due to him rushing it out, nor does he make a joke about forgetting his motivation. He actually forgot his motivation in the original...
- SAO is never stated or implied to be published by Bethesda or any other American company.
- Kayaba doesn't say he feels such a deep connection with Kirito, nor does he try one last time to feel it again before he disappears.
- Kirito isn't shocked by Asuna's baffling choice to use her real name in the game.
- Asuna doesn't think that "Kirito" is his real name nor does she say that his real one is a terrible name.
- Kirito doesn't say "I love you" to Asuna in the original; she said it to him and he neglected to say it back.
- Nor does Asuna quote Han Solo back at him.
- Kazuto doesn't rip his catheter out when he wakes up, nor is it explicitly stated that he had one.
Fairy Dance arcEdit
- Suguha isn't an aggressively sporty person like she's presented in the abridged series (although she is nationally ranked in Kendo); she's a kind girl who feels a very distant from her brother.
- She also doesn't directly insult Kazuto nor does she shout them through the wall.
- Suguha doesn't mock her brother for ripping his catheter out, as that didn't happen in the series...though she does mock him for having an "online wife" but not to that extent.
- Asuna's father isn't presented as an idiotic asshole, he actually cares about her...which makes his decision to marry her off when he knows she apparently has a boyfriend the more questionable.
- It is never stated that Mr. Yuuki has a habit of buying Ferrari's, nor does he have an Italian Ferarri dealer, or at least one that he thinks is Italian.
- Mr. Yuuki doesn't call Nobuyuki "Versace" due to the fact that was what was written on his briefcase.
- Nobuyuki doesn't make Asuna "talk" by opening and closing her mouth with his finger.
- Kazuto doesn't rant on Twitter after his meeting with Nobuyuki.
- Asuna doesn't spit on Nobuyuki's face after he greets her.
- They are YouTube partners, & are currently on the network "Screenwave Media"
- The cat they used for Don Fluffles is from the anime "Ghost Stories". The dub of that show is notorious for the ad-libbed dialogue the characters say, and is commonly referred to as the shows "official abridged series".