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Sailor Moon Abridged Episode 17 (Megami33 Version)

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Narrator: She's hot, she's a size-zero, she's a huge whore! It's Sailor V, the most powerful jailbait you'll ever meet! Go to Sailor V's website now and get 3000 4Kids points. Sailor V, coming to 4Kids TV!

Serena: Oh Jesus! Sailor V: The Movie! I wonder what it's about?

Luna: Maybe a Sailor Scout, Serena?

Serena: (to Luna) Shut up, cat!

(OPENING

Kris: I'm so sad about our animation project.

Corrine: That's not your real voice. Stop talking like that. This is Japan.

Kris: Oh Corrine. But my Southern accent makes me sound like a Southern Belle which gives me a backstory so that I'm a more three-dimensional character.

Corrine: Wait a minute, is this Japan? Are we from New York?

Kris: I just don't know anymore.

Animator: Egh, needs work.

Kris: But I worked so hard on it. I worked so hard that my right eye drooped down three inches.

Animator: Yeah, well this is still crap, bitch.

Karin: Don't be sad, Kris. Let's race across the street.

Kris: Runnin' across a piece of street is fun!

Amy: Hey, wait. You dropped this. Oh, forget it, no-one can ever hear me. Good thing her name and address are on here.

Nephlite: Stars, why do you rule me so poorly? My next target, a lesbian animator. Perfect!

Amy: I'll have to return this later.

(SUSPENSE MUSIC)


(RACING CAR NOISE)


Amy: Woah! That was... a cool car.

Kris: Gosh darnit, I finally get one part right, then I mess up another. If only there was a device that removes lead from paper. I wonder how far Corrine got?


(DUN! DUN! DUN!)


Kris: That stupid bitch! No wonder why she kept tellin' me she wasn't in the mood yesterday. She's been workin' overtime! I have no choice! I must use my last resort!


(This is a flashback!)


Kris: Oooh, look Corrine! Here are pencils that real animators use! They can make us draw better!

Corrine: No, Kris. I think my raw talent is what makes me draw well.

Kris: Well, not everyone's as lucky as you, slut!

Corrine: You know, I don't like it when you use hateful words, Kris. Especially when I crush all your hopes and dreams.

Kris: Boo-hoo. Wait, is that how Southern people cry? Boo-hoo.

Corrine. Here, Kris, stop your whining. I bought you the pencils because I'm made of money and you're poor as hell.

Kris: Oh, Corrine! I'll treasure them always by never using them.

Corrine: What the hell is the point of that?

Kris: I have no choice! I have to break my promise! Jesus, forgive me for my way with drawings!

Jesus: Oh my... What kind of f**king friend are you?! You use those on every f**king segment?! I mean, f**k!

Kris: That's harsh, Jesus. Holy! Where did you come from?

Nephlite: I came through the window.

Kris: What the f**k's going on?

Nephlite: Can I see your pencil?

Kris: No, it's mine!

Nephlite: Come on, I just, I just wanna see it.

Kris: Look with your eyes, not with your hands!

Nephlite: Aw, please. I wanna, I wanna touch it.

Kris: What? No!

Nephlite: *evil laugh*

Kris: You dropped it. What the hell was that?

Mercury: Nephlite!

Nephlite: What the f**k are you doing on my car?!

Mercury: Oh, I'm sorry.

Nephlite: There's street all around you. Why did you choose the roof of my car?! Bitch, get off!

Mercury: Run away.

Nephlite: You really are the most useless Scout!

Mercury: What the f**k is up with your licence plate?

Corrine: Look, Kris! I bought us food! Come on, let's spend some time together!

Kris: No, I'm not in the mood. You're used to that phrase, right?

Corrine: Oh, come on, I bought us KFC. It pretends to be Southern, you pretend to be Southern.

Kris: Don't go there, bitch!

Luna: You should've gone up against Nephlite by yourself. Because you suck.

Amy: Aw.

Serena: Next time we see him, I'm gonna kick his ass into the tyrannosphere!

Amy: The what?

Serena: The tyrannosphere.

Luna: What the hell is that?

Serena: Oh, come on. You guys don't know what the tyrannosphere is?

Amy: Is that like a T-rex in the atmosphere?

Serena: You're so stupid, Amy.

Amy: Right.

Narrator: Here's a completely useless scene with Raye in pink overalls. Please laugh at your own discretion.

Raye: Whaaat?!

Narrator: We now return to the, uh, plot thing.

Zoisite: Oohoho, Nephlite. Spending some quality time with your friend Jack Daniel's?

Nephlite: Oh, I've seen you've been studying human sarcasm.

Zoisite: Yeah, because we don't have that in the Negaforce or anything.

Nephlite: Negaverse.

Zoisite: No. No, I think it's the Negaforce.

Nephlite: Nega... Oh, whatever.

Zoisite: Shut up, drunker.

Amy: So, Corrine, have you seen anything strange lately?

Corrine: Just Kris.

Amy: Anything else strange?

Corrine: No, just Kris.

Kris: Can you two squealin' pigs shut your damn pieholes? I'm tryin' to work!

Karin: Kris, how dare you be so rude! You're sleeping on the couch tonight!

Kris: You never touch me anymore anyway!

Girl: Uh, Kris. You have a phone call.

Kris: Hello? Yes, boss. No, there won't be a sequel. The movie will end with Sailor V being consumed by the dark forces! MUHAHAHAHA!

Amy: So have you seen anything strange?

Corrine: Come back, Kris!

Kris: Darling imagery!

Corrine: This is the part where I pass out. Whew.

Luna: Oh great. The Scouts can barely take down one enemy.

Serena: Okay guys, let's all transform at once. Moon Prism Power!

Amy: Mercury Power!

Raye: Mars Power!


(All 3 transformation songs play simultaneously)

Moon: Okay, maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

Gemini Twins: The Gemini Twins will destroy you!

Gemini Sister #2: Mars Fire Ignite!

Sailor Scouts: AAAAHHHH

Gemini Sister #1: Mercury Bubbles Blast!

Moon: Okay, why are her bubbles actually effective? The only way to defeat them is to use teamwork.

Mercury: You said it, Sailor Moon!

Moon: Shut up. Moon Tiara Magic!

Mercury: Mercury Bubbles Blast!

Mars: Mars Fire Ignite!

Gemini Twins: We're not really twins!

Gemini Sister #1: I was born first.


KA-BOOM!


Kris: I'm sorry, Corrine.

Corrine: Show me your pencil case, Kris.

Kris: It's empty.

Corrine: Mine too.

Kris: You bitch!

Corrine: What? You did it too!

Kris: That's not the point!

Corrine: Well, what is the point, huh, Kris?

Kris: Why do you always have to put me on the spot?!


Sailor Says!

Serena: So, uh, this episode was about cheating. I don't know how exactly. I mean, it seemed pretty kusher to me. The pencil was hers, after all. Just, uh, don't cut corners, kids.

Luna: You should talk.

Serena: Shut up, you insensitive bitch! I have a learning disability!

(t.A.T.U.'s "All About Us" plays during the credits)

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