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Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Abridged - Episode 001 - Transcript

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Abridged Episode #1
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Cast (in order of appearance): Jaden, Yugi, Announcer, Crowler, Enroller, Bastion, Chazz, Syrus, Sheppard, Alexis, Zane.

Date: August 28, 2009

Running Time: 8:13

Episode Title: I'm Jaden, And I'm Flawless.

TranscriptEdit

(Intro: BeForU's "Breakdown"  plays)

JADEN: Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I'm late! I can't believe this! Never again am I staying up till 4 o'clock in the frickin' morning watching tutorials on how to build a pancake helicopter! Especially when the exam is today! But not to worry- As long as nothing gets in my way to slow me down, I should make it there just in time.

YUGI: Hmm...I wonder where the hell my shirt is.

JADEN: Hey, look out! I've lost all ability of changing direction!

(crashes into Yugi)

JADEN: Oh, the pain!

YUGI: You're a duelist, aren't you?

JADEN: Whhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyy, Yes I am!

YUGI: Then here! I want you to have this!

(gives him a card)

JADEN: Heh! You just lost out on a card. Hey, wait, where are you going?

YUGI: To make a parody of the Fresh Prince of Bel-air!

JADEN: Alright, well, good luck with that! (Yugi leaves, Grandia 2's "Live! Live! Live!"  plays) Wow, what a really nice guy- ehuhh- Gay! What the hell is this? This is absolute garbage! How dare anyone give me this crap?! Where is he? I'll kill him with a rusty spork!

(sfx: beep beep)

JADEN'S WATCH: Your entrance exam is in 5 minutes. Move your ass!

JADEN: Oh damn it, that's right! Lucky I have this reminder function on my watch.

WATCH: Move faster!

JADEN: I am, you goddamn sprick!

(Title Sequence, Jindou's "Rising Weather Hallelujah"  plays)

ANNOUNCER: Attention students! A Mokey Mokey has been found! If you are the owner, please come collect it at the office.

STUDENT #1: Oh, that's mine.

STUDENT #2: No it's not, it's mine!

STUDENT #3: Are you kidding me? I lost it when I was 7!

CROWLER: Watching children play a card game is like punting a small squirrel. It's funny at first, but then you just lose interest.

ENROLLER: Well, It doesn't look like anymore main characters are coming. Shut it down, girls!

GIRLS: Ok!

JADEN: No! Wait!

GIRLS: What the-?!

JADEN: Wow! I can't believe I managed to climb up this elaborate wall! I should be called "Jaden-man"!

(slight pause)

RANDOM GIRL: Lame!

JADEN: Shutup! (Dog growls) Uh he he, Oh god, heh, nice nice doggy, heh, nice big doggy, heh- HOLY CRAP!

(falls down)

JADEN: Uh huh ow, my coccyx! Ok, nice doggy, easy now doggy, umm, you like Winged-Kurbohs?

(dog eats him alive)

JADEN: OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! I'M SORRY!! I'M SO SORRY!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THAT'S NOT MEANT TO BE EATEN!! OH GOD!! WHY ISN'T ANYONE STOPPING THIS?!?! OH MY FREAKING CHRIST!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!! SOMEONE HELP ME!! PLEASE!!

GIRL: Do you think he's ok?

ENROLLER: I don't care.

JADEN: MY LIVER!!!

(scene cuts to Duel Academy, a duel is in session)

EXAMINER: Face it, kid, you've got no chance of winning. Why don't you run home and have a little tea party?

BASTION: What if I played Ring of Destruction?

EXAMINER: Well then, you'd probably win, but it's a good thing you don't-

(Bastion reveals his face-down card: Ring of Destruction)

EXAMINER: Ah, come on!

(sfx: Explosion, Life Points hit zero)

OBELISK BLUE STUDENT: Duh, he were pretty good, boss!

CHAZZ: Yeah, yeah. I'm too rich and snobbish to care.

JADEN: Man, that's some mighty fine dueling.

SYRUS: Who the hell are you?

JADEN: I'm Jaden, but my friends know me as Jaden-man!

RANDOM GIRL: Still lame!

JADEN: Shuddup!

SYRUS: Jaden? The kid from the announcement? Weren't you supposed to be killed by a little dog?

JADEN: Uh, it was a bear, actually.

SYRUS: Well anyway, how come you're not injured?

JADEN: Pfft! Are you kidding me? I'm the main character. I can't be hurt.

SYRUS: Oooooohhhh, is that so?

(cocks gun)

JADEN: Um...guns are my only weakness!

SYRUS: Ooohhh...

(fires gun)

JADEN: HOLY CRAP!

SYRUS: Whoops! Left the safety off!

CROWLER: Hmm...What rhymes with "golem?" Molem? No. Trolem? No. Mary-Palolem? That's not even a word. Solemn? Solemn! Yes! Solemn! I must write it down!

ENROLLER: Professor Crowler, the main character is here and he needs to be examed.

CROWLER: Goddamn it, Gertreud, how dare you interrupt me when I'm being artistic. But it's not your fault. You wouldn't understand what it's like being a great poet like myself.

ENROLLER: I don't think poetry is really important right now-

CROWLER: POETRY IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT, YOU FRICKIN'-!!

(Crowler's cell-phone rings; the ringtone is ___________ )

CROWLER: Oh! hehe, That's mine. One moment. (answers) Hello?

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: (breathing heavily) I can see you, Crowler...

CROWLER: Sheppard, I know that's you.

SHEPPARD: Awww, anyway Crowler, I called you for a very specific reason.

(Sheppard continues talking on phone, sound is fast and high pitched)

CROWLER: Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, I don't know, Uh- the third one, No, not in a million years, Backwards, I think, Have you tried putting it in the other way? No, I wouldn't recommend that, yes, no, ok, yeah, alright, ok, uh, yeah, I'll see you soon, Yeah I-, I love you too. (hangs up) My god! Sorry about that! Now, where were we?

ENROLLER: Um, something about poetry?

CROWLER: Oh, yes, you're absolutely- POETRY IS VERY IMPORTANT, YOU FRICKIN'-!!

JADEN: And that's the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.

ANNOUNCER: Will the main character please report to duel field #3?

JADEN: Oh! That's me! Time to get my game on!

SYRUS: Gay!

JADEN: Shutup!

GIRL #1: Oh, Professor Crowler, your Duel Disk is so big!

CROWLER: Yeah, you like that, don'tcha, bitch? They don't call me "professor" for nothing.

GIRL #2: Why do they call you professor?

CROWLER: Why do you ask questions? Go do something girly.

GIRL #2: Oooh! I'm gonna go adopt a puppy.

CROWLER: Well, you've come so far to lose to the great poet and duelist, me, Professor Crowler. I assure you that you won't- WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE A BUNNY?!

JADEN: Make me!

(cocks gun)

JADEN: Uh hehehe, ok, I'm gonna draw a card now. (draws Winged Kuriboh) Oh hey! It's you! I'm sure you'll come in handy, little buddy. I mean, after all, that guy wouldn't have- (Winged Kuriboh winks at him) HOLY CRAP! Did that thing just frickin' wink at me? That's it, no more pot for me! Well, I guess it wouldn't do any harm to use you. I summon-

(sfx: Explosion, card blows up)

JADEN: Ahh! You piece of crap!

CROWLER: Face it, Jaden! You've got nothing in your deck that can save you!

JADEN: True, but what I have doesn't need to be in my deck. For I have the power of George Michael!

(George Michael's "Flawless (Go To The City)"  plays in the background during Battle)

(Ancient Gear Golem collapses on Crowler, life points hit zero)

JADEN: That's game! Thank God I'm flawless!

("Absolutely Flawless" riff from the song plays when he says "flawless")

ALEXIS: Wow! That duel reminded me of my first period. Wanna hear about it?

ZANE: And that's where I get outta here!

JADEN: Yeah! I did it! Believe it! Whoops! Wrong Animé. But still- haha! And it's all thanks to you, Kuriboh, all thanks to you.

WINGED KURIBOH: (winks) Mhhmm!

JADEN: Stop f**king winking at me!

(Ending: "Who let the dogs out?" by Baha Men  plays)

CAPTION: Did you like the re-dub? Did ya?! Did ya?! Did ya?! Did ya?! : D Always make sure your safety is on. The true owner never came to collect their mokey-mokey. Though, 2402 people claimed onwership. This caused a riot shortly after. 1,500 injured. 420 hospitalized. 12 dead. 3 shot. 200 wedgies. It was awesome.

(Stinger)

JADEN: (whiningly) My legs! They hurt so much! How could a dog even do that?! Why?! I didn't deserve that! Mommy!! (stops whining) Oh, hey! A nickel! WebRep currentVote  noRatingnoWeight           

ReferencesEdit

  • The "Absolutely Flawless" riff is a running gag that plays whenever someone says the word "flawless".
  • Jaden's last line in the episode is taken from Cosmo from Fairly OddParents when he finds a nickel.
  • Two references to LittleKuriboh are made: "Oh, the pain!" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air joke.
  • Professor Crowler's obsession with poetry and Jaden breaking his coccyx are also running gags.

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