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Abridged Episode #3
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Cast (in order of appearance): Alexis Rhodes, Velian Crowler, Students, Syrus Trusedale, Chazz Princeton, Lyman Banner, Jaden Yuki, Fonda Fontaine, Announcer, Chumley Huffington, Jasmine, Mindy

Date:

Running Time: 7:41

Episode Title: Syrus The Peeper

TranscriptEdit

(Intro: Dr. Crowler is giving a lesson)

ALEXIS: And that's how I got my first period. But the body will never hop again.

CROWLER: Inspiring! But that really had nothing to do with what I asked you about Field Spells!

ALEXIS: Well, excuse me for being open! (sits back down)

STUDENT 1: Yeah, you opened last night, bitch!

SYRUS: WHAT?!

CROWLER: Syrus!

(Syrus stands up and gasps)

CROWLER: So, what did you learn from Alexis's speech?

SYRUS: I didn't even know girls bled from there!

STUDENT 1: I did; I did her last night!

SYRUS: Who the hell are you?!

CROWLER: Syrus, sit down. And I definitely did not put a whoopie cushion there.

SYRUS: What are you talking about-- (sits down and a farting noise is heard)

(laughter from other students, except Bastion Misawa)

STUDENT 2: Syrus, you idiot!

STUDENT 3: Generic Slifer-based insult!

STUDENT 4: Ha-ha-ha!

SYRUS: I never farted...

ALEXIS: Male flatulence is so hot.

CHAZZ: Heh, I'm so rich!

BANNER: Hello, my students.

STUDENT 1: Hey, what happened to Crowler?

BANNER: He had to go write poetry.

(cut to Crowler in his office, writing a poem)

CROWLER: (writing and thinking) Love is like a big Ancient Gear Golem. (pause) No, that doesn't work.

BANNER: Syrus, would you please bring me Pharaoh? He is by your feet.

(Pharaoh walks up to Syrus)

SYRUS: Oh, God, not the cat again!

BANNER: I will give you a Mokey Mokey if you do--

(cut to outside of Duel Academy)

SYRUS: GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!

(Title Sequence, Jindou's "Rising Weather Hallelujah"  plays)

(cut to the Duel Academy gym)

STUDENT: Okay, I can understand the tight uniforms, but what the hell's up with that camera?

JADEN: I don't know, guys. I just don't know.

(cut to Crowler in the boy's locker room, checking lockers)

CROWLER: No, no, no, no, no--ah! Even though there's no possible way, it's obviously Jaden's! (sees a pair of shoes marked "Judai") Judai? Is that some kind of lame middle name? (places a note on the shoes) I'm so evil.

STUDENT: Dude! Did you hear? We got a substitute teacher! And she's hot!

STUDENT 2: The "I wanna play card games with her" kind of hot?

STUDENT: The very kind!

STUDENT 2: By card games, I mean sex.

STUDENT: Yeah, I've got it, Jerry.

STUDENT 2: Did they just make a LittleKuriboh reference?

STUDENT: Shut up~.

(Fonda Fontaine comes in)

FONDA: Hello there, class. I'm sure you're bored with doing physical activities, so let's do some mental exercises! So, everybody, look at my chest!

(unzipping is heard)

STUDENTS: Wow...

STUDENT: But what does this have to do with card games?

STUDENT 2: Shut up and look at the chest!

(cut to Syrus running in the locker room)

SYRUS: That's the last time I watch Xthedarkone videos before class. (opens his locker) What the hell? (removes Jaden's shoes from the locker) I'm so sick of Jaden using my locker. Asshole. (picks up a note) Whoa! Looking at the suggestive kiss mark on the letter, I'm gonna say it's from Alexis, which is exactly what I would assume. Even though it's obviously meant for Jaden, I'm desperate enough to say it's for me. (goes to a corner in the room) Stealing mail is fun!

(Syrus opens the envelope)

SYRUS: "Love is like a big Ancient Gear Golem?" That's so beautiful! Oh, wait, that's the wrong side. (turns the letter over) "I love you more than I love card games? Meet me at the girls dorm--TONIGHT?!" (stumbles back) Holy f***ing s***! I knew this blue hair was a chick magnet; I just knew it!

(cut to the Slifer Red dorm)

[subtitle: Meanwhile, in the toolshed.]

ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile, in the toolshed.

[subtitle: At night.]

ANNOUNCER: At night.

[subtitle: Oooooo.]

AUDIENCE: Oooooo

JADEN: (drying himself off with a towel) Tight uniforms, cameras, now they're trying to massage us with baby oil? This has nothing to do with card games. Hey, Chumley, where's Syrus?

CHUMLEY: (grunts)

JADEN: What's that? Syrus got a letter from Crowler posing as Alexis telling him to come to the girls' dorm in an attempt to get me thrown off the Academy for beating me in episode 1 with Elemental Hero Flame Wingman in one scene, one turn? And what was even more embarrassing was it wasn't a test deck, it was actually his own? Thanks, Chumley, I gotta go!

CHUMLEY: (grunts)

(cut to Syrus rowing towards the Obelisk Blue girls' dorm)

SYRUS: I don't even know where I got this boat from, but that doesn't matter because I am going to get me some pootang!

(Mission Impossible theme plays while Crowler cuts open the door lock)

CROWLER: (singing to Mission Impossible theme) Breaking this padlock, I am so sneaky, I am the bad guy in this series. (speaking) Now it's time to watch as my evil plan unfolds. Even though there's nobody else here, I'm going to explain it to myself in case I forget. (cue fantasy) Jaden's going to come in, looking for some action. I'll pop out and snap a picture. He'll do the "reaction shot" joke.

JADEN: (caught) Reaction shot!

CROWLER: Then that'll be enough to get him expelled! Hell, even arrested!

(cut to a hot spring in the Obelisk Blue girls' dorm, with Alexis, Jasmine and Mindy)

JASMINE: Isn't it questionable why there's three girls naked in the pool together?

MINDY: Yeah, the Japanese are perverts, but don't worry, the 4Kids version will edit in some bikinis.

JASMINE: Oh, you're so smart; let's make out!

MINDY: Okay!

(Syrus is running past the girls' dorm gate)

SYRUS: (thinking) ...And I'll tie her up and we'll do all kinds of things...

ALEXIS: Wait, guys, I think I hear something outside.

MINDY: Alexis, I, like, hate you so much right now.

(Crowler is watching from a bush)

CROWLER: I'm definitely not a pervert! I'm too feminine for that.

SYRUS: Syrus has come to play, bitches!

CROWLER: (surprised that it wasn't Jaden, but Syrus) OH, ANCIENT GEAR GOLEMS!

FEMALE STUDENT: Ancient Gear Golems? Where?

FEMALE STUDENT 2: Is that a ninja?

FEMALE STUDENT 3: He knows about our transexual student! Run, Jimmy, run!

JIMMY: Heels, don't fail me now!

CROWLER: Take Syrus, he has blue hair!

SYRUS: Come to me, baby! (female students surround Syrus) So, which of you ladies is fir--wait what are you doing with that rope? Wait--NOOOOOOOOO! (Syrus is tied up) So, what's the safety word then?

CAPTION: Meanwhile, at the girls' dorm.

ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile, in the girls' dorm.

CAPTION: ...still night time.

ANNOUNCER: ...still night time.

SYRUS: I got a letter from Alexis, stating she wanted some, so why don't you put on something more comfortable? (winks)

FONDA: (manly voice) What's going on down here?

SYRUS: (thinking) Why are you pointing our butts at m--?

(Jasmine and Mindy quickly sit on Syrus)

FONDA: You girls better not be holding another male student against their will again.

ALEXIS: We're not, but what happened to your voice?

FONDA: This is my voice when I'm off-duty. Get over it.

SYRUS: (muffled speech) (subtitles: There are girls sitting on my face! This is AWESOME! I've got to call Jaden and tell him this!)

(cut to the Slifer Red dorm, with Jaden playing a video game)

JADEN: Yeah! Hit him! Hit him!

(Jaden's cell-phone rings; the ringtone is "Ring Ring Ring! Ring Ring Ring! Phone Call! Phone Call!")

(Jaden picks up the phone, hangs up and continues playing. He loses the game; the death sound from Super Mario Bros. is heard)

JADEN: Oh, screw this; I'm just going to save Syrus.

(cut back to the Obelisk Blue girls' dorm, with Crowler in the lake)

CROWLER: That's the last time I take directions from a blind guy! Huh? (sees Jaden rowing a boat)

JADEN: How the hell did I find a boat so fast?

CROWLER: How the hell did he find a boat so fast?

(Jaden arrives at the girls' dorm)

JADEN: Syrus, don't worry. I'm here to rescue you. Everything's gonna be A-OK.

SYRUS: Girls have been sitting on my face all night; what's to save me from?

ALEXIS: Duel me! I'll have you expelled!

JADEN: Um...o-okay?

ALEXIS: I summon Etoile Cyber! Now attack him directly! I don't care if it's the first turn; do it anyway!

(Everybody Dance Now plays as Etoile Cyber attacks Jaden directly)

JADEN: Ah! What the hell? You're attacking me on the first turn?

ALEXIS: Well, we're running out of time, so, yeah, pretty much. In fact, the Duel has to be so quick I'm not going to give you a chance to make your turn, so I'm gonna summon Cyber Blader!

JADEN: OH, WHAT THE F***?! Wait a minute, you're using an ice skater monster? That's so lame!

ALEXIS: That really means a lot coming from a guy using Winged Kuriboh.

JADEN: Ha--eh... Right, just for that, I'm using Fusion Gate to summon my Elemental Hero Thunder Giant! Seeing as this duel is on a time limit, if I attack you now, I win! With the help from some awesome signature backing music!

(George Michael's Flawless plays as Thunder Giant attacks Alexis, winning Jaden the duel)

JADEN: That's what you get for being a girl.

ALEXIS: That was a good duel, Jaden. And also--

JADEN: (cutting Alexis off) Yeah, I won, see you, bye! (rows away with Syrus)

SYRUS: I love you, Alexis!

ANNOUNCER: And so, after a ridiculously short duel, the Alexis x Syrus shipping began.

(flashback to Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged episode 28)

YAMI: I'm going to beat you like I beat Jaden Yuki on the final episode of Yu-Gi-Oh! GX!

STEVE THE MARTIAN: But that duel had no conclusion!

YAMI: That's because when I won, Jaden started crying like a little baby. It was so embarrassing that the network refused to show it. That's why I never work with amateurs.

(cut back to GX era)

JADEN: Okay, first of all, that's not how it went at all. It didn't even let me say my side of the story. What happened was we were duelling, and I was about to kick his ass with this move I was about to do, and then out of nowhere, I got this smell of onions, and it made me kind of made me a bit teary. I mean, granted yeah, I was crying, but it wasn't because I was going to lose. No way was I gonna lose; I'm the best! (stammers) Know what, I don't need to prove anything to you guys; I'm going home.

Stinger

(Dude (Looks Like a Lady) by Aerosmith plays as Crowler puts on lipstick and plants a kiss on a note)

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